Title: Principles of Marriage
Contents
Marriage Principles
Genesis 2:18-25
2011. 5. 15 Church of Serving
Many families today face conflict. Christian families can also experience some degree of conflict. However, the reason why Christian families are not shaken greatly even when they are in conflict is because there is a way to reconcile conflict. Christians have the attitude to listen to God and obey Him. So it is adjustable.
The Bible teaches that marriage is a contract. Marriage is the process by which a man leaves his parents and becomes one flesh with his wife. There are three verbs in verse 24. The word ‘ajab’, which corresponds to the word ‘leave’, means ‘forget’ or ‘forsake’, and also has the meaning of leaving. In Israel, it was rather the woman who left the house to reunite with her husband, as the average man lived in the house of his parents or had a patriarchal marriage that continued to live nearby. Therefore, when a man leaves his parents, he does not mean “leaving” in a literal sense, but rather, he is breaking up with his parents. On the other hand, 'to unite (Davaq)' means to stick together.
Therefore, marriage means breaking away from the covenant relationship with the parents and entering into the covenant relationship with the wife. At the same time as marriage, the center of the covenant relationship shifts. At the same time as getting married, the priorities of men's responsibilities change. Before marriage, the most important responsibility is to the parents, but after marriage, the most important responsibility is to the covenant with the wife. It does not literally mean abandoning your parents.
What is one body? When two become one flesh, it means that a husband and wife create a new blood relationship through marriage. It doesn't just mean sexual union, offspring, emotional or mental unity. To say that the two become one flesh means that they become one through the covenant relationship. To form one body, leaving and sticking are necessary.
To form a union, you must first leave.
In most cases, the root cause of conflict in Korea is that men do not leave their parents. Leaving the family is a prerequisite for becoming one body. Our culture is a culture in which parents do not leave their parents until marriage. Leaving before marriage is called eruption, and the differentiation does not take place until marriage. So the wedding is the turning point. The process of forming a body with a spouse who is not emotionally independent from the family before marriage is longer.
So what does it mean to leave? First, you have to leave emotionally. Before marriage, they depended on their parents. But now I am the head. Second, emotional departure can be accompanied by economic independence. Third, it is necessary to leave also spatially. The reason for the need to leave is that a man and a woman cannot form one body unless they fully dedicate themselves to each other and invest all their emotions.
If this principle is followed, reconciliation is possible when conflicts arise. Even if there is a problem, two people have to solve it. Conflicts with parents, friendships, and excessive interference by parents or original family members interfere with unity. It should always be borne in mind that the most important relationship is the marital relationship.
And husbands and wives should be devoted to each other. When God created the world, He made man two genders, male and female. The reason God created women is “because it is not good for a man to live alone.” So God made Eve for Adam, and made him a helper.
Ezer Knegdo (verses 18, 20) in Hebrew for helper matchmaking means one who stands on the other side and helps. This word does not imply that the helping partner is inferior. Rather, the word 'ezer' usually refers to God's help, and in some cases to military assistance, it can be argued that the helper is stronger. However, the idea I want to express through this word is that both men and women are imperfect and need the help of their spouses before they are united into one flesh.
Spouses are people who help each other. One person is not one-sidedly dependent on another, but mutually dependent. It's not about helping one person unilaterally, but helping each other. To stand two books, you have to lean on each other. Both men and women, especially men, must realize that they cannot start a family without the help of their wives.
Humans are personal beings. It is not good for humans to live alone, so we have to live with other humans. That is why God created the marriage system. So someone lives with a personal being and can change and coordinate with each other. It is possible to develop a personality. So there is an amazing mystery in marriage.
There are three dimensions to love. ① Commitment, ② Intimacy, friendship and emotional elements ③ Passion, that is, the impulsive element. This is true of agape (a vow of self-devotion), philia (intimacy equivalent to brotherly love), and eros (physical desire and passion for a person). In other words, when we say we love, we must include both the impulsive element, the emotional element, and the intimacy and volitional element.
Usually, before deciding to get married and at the beginning of a newlywed marriage, passion strongly binds two people. Some relationships start with passion and lead to marriage, but passion alone cannot sustain a marriage. In most cases, passion alone cannot sustain a relationship, and it is extinguished before marriage. Even if you get married because of a sense of responsibility, if the affection is only a momentary emotion, it is difficult to maintain a marriage relationship.
So we need an exclusive commitment to each other. Some couples get married without passion for each other, but live well without divorce. This is the case with the traditional marriage mentioned above. In this case, the commitment is a commitment to the family or community rather than a commitment to the spouse. Such marriages have a low divorce rate. However, the intimacy between the couple is weak and the affection is lacking.
Some couples are like friends. The protagonists of the novel 'Doctors' are a man and a woman who attended Harvard Medical School. They were friends, but they got married and started a family. We have fond memories of discussing the question "Can we marry a girl/boyfriend?" Friendship is essential to a good marriage relationship. A spouse is your best friend. But friendship alone is not enough.
The most perfect love is one that contains devotion, intimacy, and passion in equal proportions. In western society, love is passion in marriage? intimacy? Although it comes in the order of vows, a Christian marriage begins with a vow to the other person, and intimacy and passion grow in it, and after marriage, it goes out into mature love. In other words, for Christians, the idea that marriage is a pledge of devotion to the other is important. Feelings of love can be sustained through commitment and deepen intimacy.
What kind of couple are you now? What is the lack of love in your marital relationship? Do you view marriage as a gift from God and appreciate it? We have another goal. It is the practice of perfect love between husband and wife. I hope you live with this as a vision.
There is a saying that prays once when going on a ship, twice when going to war, and three times when getting married. There is a saying that even if you do not marry, you will regret it, and even if you do, you will regret it. But marriage is a gift from God. In order to receive the gift of blessing, and to build a family that is pleasing to God, the right thinking about marriage and the efforts and prayers of both are required.
Everything we do requires effort, but it doesn't work out the way we want it to. Then we can do one of two things. It is either giving up, or it is difficult, but trying. And when I can't do it on my own, I need help, and it is the Holy Spirit who helps me at that time. Therefore, in order for the family to become one and a harmonious family, the help of the Holy Spirit is needed. I hope that all who come to our church will keep these words of God in their hearts and build a beautiful family.