Title: Suffering and Devotion of Love
Mark 14:34-36, Matt 27:46
Teacher Jeongmo Lee introduced me to 『A Story to Engrave』 published last December, but it is awkward for me to call Mother and Sister together as 修女, although Mother Teresa (God and Sister are divided into Father and Brother). If you call me, I look like a shaman or a fortune-teller, so I'll say nun for now, but Mother Teresa and Sister Teresa have a different meaning.) Letters in which they had a conversation of faith were published in the United States last September, with the title "Sister Teresa - Come My Light: Confidence of the Calcutta Saints, Kolodiejchuk, B. edited with commentary, Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light, the Private Writings of the "Saint of Calcutta" (Doubleday, 2007) was published as a book, which caused a great sensation. These letters were requested by Mother Teresa to be destroyed after her death, but the Catholic Church decided to publish them as they were, as they saw that they showed a higher level of faith.
It was a shock to all of us that Mother Teresa, a Nobel Peace Prize laureate who died gloriously after spending her life with the poorest of Calcutta on the basis of such deep faith, that her faith was always “withered, dark, lonely and painful”. How difficult it must have been - to the point of doubting the existence of God. They also confess that ‘my laughter is a mask or a cloak that covers everything’. There were times when I wondered if my heart itself was lying when I spoke as if I was in love with God. But although at times she may have felt an emptiness in the existence of a God, Mother Teresa did not seem to doubt that her calling was to follow the will of God. There is a saying that ‘faith without skepticism is bound to be corrupted’, but in the torment of being unsure of something, the sacrifice of living your whole life caring for the poor and dying without wavering at all? How should we view our life of service?
This brings to mind the last words of Jesus right before his death, which I have always wondered about. Matthew ? In the Gospel of Mark, it is described as “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me”, in the Gospel of Luke, “Father, into your hands I commit my soul” and in the Gospel of John, “It is finished”. The last words of Jesus are recorded differently because they are the confessions of the writers or those who remember them decades later, but I still have my doubts that the words of such a decisive moment were recorded differently. Perhaps, “My God, why have you forsaken me? Father, I entrust my soul into your hands.” Of course, the difference between 'my God' and 'Father' is a big theological debate, but even so, the words "It is finished" in the Gospel of John feel like a leap.
But above all else, I've always wondered how Jesus was at his weakest in his most majestic moment. The excruciating physical pain and fear of death are the last and most natural appearances of Jesus in human form, and the appearance of Christ as a God who will be resurrected and ascended is of course majestic.
If the pain and suffering experienced by the human Jesus was enough to make him feel abandoned, Mother Teresa, seeing the poorest people in India born with difficulty and dying for no reason in their suffering, asks where the will of God is and what God exists It would be rather natural to have doubts as to whether or not However, when Mother Teresa accepted her suffering as a part of the suffering of Jesus who died in pain on the cross, Mother Teresa's sense of calling was sublimated, and it seems that she accepted it as a grace bestowed by God.
There are two ways to deal with pain. One is trying to fight the pain. However, it is often a prisoner of suffering. The other is to gradually become one with the pain without trying to win. It would also be in line with the advice of not trying to overcome the disease, but making it a part of me. Mother Teresa accepted the suffering itself by entering and becoming one with the dying poor in other countries. Sister Teresa's true confession of faith was, "Even if I were to become a saint [after death], I would not be still in heaven - to shine a light upon them in the darkness of the earth." Some argue that devoting ourselves to others and serving the Lord while doubting the very existence of God is the highest form of faith. It is said that Mother Teresa, by abandoning herself altogether, did not see the Lord on earth, but the world could see the Lord in her.
I am reminded of a novel called Richard Kim, The Martyred by Kim Eun-guk that touched me when I was young, and I would like to introduce its contents.
When we see and feel the absurdity of this world where unfair and unjust things are rampant and justice is not unfolding, we sometimes question the very existence of God. However, we see a ray of faith in Christ's words, "Where you love one another I am." God, the Lord of all things in the universe, who leads us so that we cannot help but love, may be asking us as creatures to expand the scope of love to infinity. We exist only in the providence of God. Couldn't the driving force (motive) come from God to overcome pain and to give love and devotion even though we are in loneliness and darkness because we cannot confirm the existence of God?
Prayer
We do not know the will of God in control of human life and death. However, we entrust our everything to God, who leads us to seek God, to love each other, and to keep the creation order of the universe. Please remind us that we are the ones who follow the absolute love that does not waver in the world's history. Please do not commit the folly of trying to judge the providence of God by human judgment.
I entrust everything to the Lord, I pray in the name of Jesus Christ.