Title: Talk to Your Parents
talk to your parents
Ephesians 6:1-3
1. Introduction
Today is Mother's Day, which is observed by our Korean church. The Bible traditionally tells parents - the elderly - to stand in front of gray hair - to obey - to honor them. *Honor your father and mother (Deuteronomy 5:16) *If there is a rebellious son who does not obey his father or his mother...all the people of the city shall stone him to death (Deuteronomy 21:18-21) *Young man The glory of a man is his strength, and the beauty of an old man is his gray hair (Proverbs 20:29) *The eyes of those who mock their fathers and do not want to obey their mothers will be plucked by ravens of the valley and eaten by eagles (Proverbs 30:17) Listen, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment with a promise, that it may go well with you and you may live long on the earth (Ephesians 6:1-3).
2. <obey your parents> = <talk to your parents>
In my case, when I pretended to listen to the saying, “Obey your parents filial piety is the most important thing”, the images that come to mind are Confucius the teachings of Mencius the supreme authority of grandfathers and fathers in the Joseon Dynasty Nurturing old parents Three-year-old parents and four generations 奉祀 (service) - absolute obedience to parents' words, etc. Behind these values lies the traditional-tacit promise of our Korean society that parents work hard to leave a legacy to their children and that children take responsibility for their parents' old age. However, in our time, such values are being shaken or broken. Parents in our day rarely pass on their inheritance to their children until they die, even if they lose their ability to function due to their old age (as do grandparents over 80 in my rural Jeongba-ri). There is even a movement called “Leave no legacy I spend all my money I earn”.
In a word, times have changed and values have changed. A parent-child relationship can be good or bad as long as it is a human relationship. In this sense, in the rural economy-feudalism-family-family-patriarchal society of the past, the commandment to “obey your parents” was sufficient for the relationship between parents and children, but urban economy-liberalism-democracy-capitalism-individualism society In Esau, the time has come for a methodological alternative to “talk to your parents” before obedience. This is because the era of communication itself between parents and children has become difficult, and obedience can only be established through dialogue.
3. “Talk to your parents” - How will you communicate?
first. Until a person reaches adulthood (the age of majority - the age of 20), it is natural for parents to nurture, understand, and love their children. However, when a person comes of age, whether married or unmarried, both parents and children fall in love with each other, so parents love their children and children respect their parents. I think you should try to understand your position.
From a parent's point of view, it is wrong for a parent to unilaterally force obedience to an adult but not yet immature child, and from the child's point of view, it is wrong to forget the responsibility of one's life as an adult and impose an unreasonable burden on the parent. It is at this point that a parent-child dialogue is necessary.
second. Conflicts in all human relationships are proportional to 期待値 (expectations). I was expecting 100, but if it's 99, I'm dissatisfied. I expected 99, but 100 is satisfied. Of course, there are infinitely different degrees of satisfaction and dissatisfaction (with great satisfaction-satisfaction-slightly dissatisfaction-great dissatisfaction, etc.). But in essence, conflict stems from expectations. Children's expectations of their parents - Parents' expectations of their children.
There can be no hope in a person's life. But if you force or cling to expectations, problems arise. Don't expect it, but don't force it. Expect it, but don't cling to it. Parents can expect their children to become doctors-judges-accountants. That's a good thing if it goes as expected. But even if your child goes the opposite of what he expected, he should not complain-complain-sighs-anger. Children expect their parents to become the parents they want them to be. That's a good thing if it goes up to your expectations. But even if your parents show the opposite, you shouldn't complain-complain-sighs-anger. This is because parents follow their own path as children of God according to their parents, and children follow their own path as children of God according to their children. In this way, a conversation between parents and children begins when they acknowledge each other's point of view.
third. Parent-child conversations also require “communication skills.” It is fortunate if there is a close conversation between parents and children, but one day, after living without conversation, suddenly one day, all of a sudden, “Come on, let’s talk! It's not about having a conversation. Here you need skills for parent-child conversations.
one. Parents are frustrated. Children are also frustrated. It's frustrating because it doesn't work even if you live in the same house. Conversation begins when you frankly admit that it's frustrating.
two. You need to create an atmosphere where you can have a conversation. It is necessary to lay a bed that can be met naturally on a regular basis (family gatherings - special meals - hiking - travel - hobbies that can be shared with each other).
three. A very objective view of letting go of the sense of authority of superiority and inferiority - the right to do this and that - self-righteousness or subordination - feeling of inferiority - feeling sorry for what I say is right, and letting go of everything must be maintained.