How to Overcome Conflict
Contents
How to overcome conflict (Acts 15:36-41)
Introduction
The Korean dictionary defines conflict as follows.
“Just like arrowroot and wisteria vines are entangled, views and interests are intertwined and complicated. A state in which two different needs collide in the mind. A phenomenon in which a willful character is opposed to another in a novel, play, or film. Conflicts between people and people and between people and the environment are called external conflicts, and the conflicts that arise in people’s minds are called internal conflicts.”
As the dictionary defines, the faces of conflict vary. Conflict occurs in a variety of relationships. Conflict between state and state, conflict between East and West, conflict between South and North Korea, conflict between married couples, conflict between parents and children, conflict between father and wife, conflict between coworkers, conflict between members of the church , conflicts between spiritual leaders and saints, conflicts within us, etc. The faces of conflict are very diverse.
If you do not overcome these conflicts with various faces, and there are many injuries, you will hate people. Avoiding people occurs. Not only avoid people, but also avoid problems and escape from reality. Eventually, you will be unable to grow into a healthy and mature person.
1. Conflict between Paul and Barnabas
Even among great leaders, there can be conflict. Focusing on the text we read today, as we know, Barnabas is an excellent encourager. Paul is a great apostle. However, the two quarrel over the issue of taking John Mark and go on a missionary trip again, and they even break up.
The cause of the conflict was with John Mark. It was John Mark who accompanied Paul and Barnabas on their first missionary journey when they were sent by the church in Antioch.
Let's look at Acts 13:4-5.
“They were sent by the Holy Spirit to go down to Silucia, and from there they sailed to Cyprus and came to Salamis, and they had as his attendant the new John, who was to preach the word of God in the Jewish synagogues.
However, during the missionary journey, John gets tired and gives up on the trip and returns to Jerusalem.
Please see Acts 13:13.
“When Paul and his companions got in a boat from Foss to Perga in Pamphylia, John departed from them and returned to Jerusalem.”
John Mark, who got off during this missionary trip, asked Barnabas to take him back on the second missionary trip. But Paul says it can never be. Barnabas tells him to give him another chance, and Paul says he can't. In the end, the two quarrel with each other and break up because of John Mark.
Of course, the story of Paul and Barnabas does not end here, but ends with a very beautiful result. In Acts 15, the two break up after a conflict, but at the end of their lives they are reconciled. Paul saw Mark as his co-worker.
Look at 2 Timothy 4:11.
“Only Luke is with me. When you come, take Mark with you, for he is good for my work.”
Today, I would like to share with you how Paul, Barnabas, and Mark overcame conflict and became reconciled. Barnabas's appearance is not clearly revealed, but from the fact that Paul loved Mark, it can be inferred that the relationship between Paul and Barnabas was also restored. So, how can we overcome the problem of painful conflict?
2. Overcome conflict by understanding differences
All people are different. Women and men are different. We must learn to recognize and respect the differences between men and women. The key to a mature marriage is acknowledging and respecting each other's differences.
As John Gray says, “When men and women accept each other’s differences and respect each other, love has a chance to blossom.”
Each person has a different temperament. The background is different. point of view is different. The experience is different. The history of living is different. Quite a lot of conflict arises out of differences. Anything else is not wrong. Keep it in your heart over and over again. But if we don't understand, we treat them as strange.
“A mental asylum is a place where we lock them up because we are afraid to understand them,” says Jean Vanier.
We shouldn't send someone to a mental institution just because we don't understand it. Of course, some people suffer from mental illness. However, there are many people who are entering a mental sanatorium because of people's ignorance.
We must not treat children who cannot understand as retarded. How wonderful were Einstein and Thomas Edison, who as children were treated as retarded? Anything else is not wrong. Their differences are natural. The important thing is to understand each other. It is about connecting each other together through understanding.
There was a clear difference between Paul and Barnabas. Paul has a bile character. Bile quality is task-oriented. A leader who accomplishes tasks. Therefore, he has followers who follow him. Bile people make bold choices when it comes to tasks. Make bold decisions. The family does not care to accomplish the task. When we make important decisions before God, we sometimes make decisions without consulting with our blood and flesh.
They also tend not to tolerate mistakes. They treat people with high standards. He is consistent. There is consistency. Thorough in everything. Right and wrong are clear. So, when things get in the way, they make decisive decisions.
Look at Acts 15:38.
“Paul said that it was not lawful for him to take with him a man who had not left them in Pamphylia and went to work.”
Conversely, Barnabas' temperament is hot-blooded. They are also interested in accomplishing tasks, but more interested in people. That's why I like people. It builds people up well. Active in building people. You build people up yourself, not because someone asks you to. He also takes good care of people. Trust people well. If you trust someone once, you will build them up to the end. I value relationships with people more than right or wrong.
Hot-blooded people sometimes make mistakes. So I myself tolerate those who make mistakes. People like Peter are hot-blooded. He attracts people. Then I often make mistakes. He tolerates people who make mistakes because he often makes mistakes. So Barnabas eventually entrusts John Mark to Peter. Peter takes charge of Mark and raises him to be a good disciple.
According to 1 Peter 5:13,
“The church in Babylon, chosen with you, greets you, and so does my son Mark.”
The reason the two had a conflict was because of their differences in temperament. We need to understand our temperament when dealing with people. You must not only understand your temperament, but also learn the wisdom to overcome the differences in temperament. The way to overcome differences in temperament is to change your personality with the help of the Holy Spirit. It's about character maturing. The way to overcome your temperament is to abide in the grace of the Holy Spirit.
When dealing with choleric people, you should not be viewed as a cold-hearted person who only cares about work. Read Paul's epistles. Whenever he writes to the saints, he writes with love. I love them with a warm heart.
Also, when dealing with hot-blooded people, you should not be regarded as someone who can't do great things because they are tolerant of anyone and embrace everyone. Look at what great things such as Barnabas and Peter have accomplished. In a strict sense, the person who helped Paul become Paul was Barnabas. It was Peter who made John Mark a character. Then, Peter and Barnabas accomplished a great thing. Although the task they have accomplished on their own is great, they have achieved greater work through the people they have embraced and nurtured.
By understanding each other's differences, we need to understand the causes of conflict. Eventually, you will enter the blessed position of overcoming conflict. We can see Paul begging Timothy to bring John Mark to him while he was in prison in Rome. As the years passed, they gradually began to understand each other's differences. Although many years have passed, we can see that their conflict has been overcome as human understanding has matured.
3. Maturity through conflict
Don't be too shy about conflict. Conflict exists in everyone. Those who have been married know that conflict is inevitable. Don't be discouraged when you fail sometimes. Falling is not a shame. Not getting up again is a shame.
Being a good man of God does not mean that there are no conflicts. Being a believer does not mean that there is no conflict. Being a pastor is not without conflict.
I also have conflicts in relationships. Going to church does not solve all problems. It is true that when we come to church, we receive solutions to the fundamental problems. If you come to church and believe in Jesus, your sin problem will be solved. The problem of eternal life is solved. However, our personality does not grow overnight. The daily problems we face are not automatically solved.
We must continuously learn the wisdom of Jesus to master the art of overcoming conflicts. Not all married people are happy. Not all people who believe in Jesus are happy when they get married. To be happy, you must learn and master the principles to overcome conflict.
Don't be afraid when conflict comes. As you pray, realize the source of the conflict. Be determined to overcome the conflict. Focus on the bright side of the conflict. And enjoy the experience of further change and maturity through conflict. Conflict can be overcome in any form. The most precious place to overcome conflict is at the cross.
Come to the cross and always ask the Lord for help. Come to the Holy Spirit and ask for wisdom. Overcome conflict with that wisdom.
Bring the matter of conflict to God and ask for wisdom. Conflict can be a golden opportunity to understand each other. Conflict can be a blessing in disguise that deepens our relationship. Conflict is God's hand of blessing that makes us more mature. Do not hate conflict, but love conflict. Let the conflict deepen your love. I hope you enjoy a deeper and richer life through wisdom that cares for even conflicts.